How to make long-distance relationships and marriages work? Your Secret Tips
All you need to be happy is love. This is what movies and songs tell us, but what happens when your loved one or entire family lives hundreds or even thousands miles away in another country?
The world is shrinking, thanks to social media and easier / cheaper air travel, so it seems like more people are having long-distance relationships, both Marriage counsellor sunshine coast before and after marriage. Millions of people are involved in long-distance relationships, despite preconceived notions that they don’t work.
You don’t have to feel alone if you love someone, or if they are too far away. Long distance relationships and marriages are possible and can work. While some people choose to live long distance, others have to do so because of work commitments or financial reasons. This is common in many “expat cities” as well as “expat nations.” According to some estimates, there are approximately 10 million people in the world who are involved in long-distance relationships. You thought you were the only one facing the difficulties that long-distance relationships can present? You are not the only one facing the challenges of a long distance relationship. I speak for many. Below I have shared some success secrets from people I have had privileged to work with.
- Enjoy the travel experience with others
If possible, share the travel. Traveling is tiring and takes up much of your time. You also have to consider the cost of traveling if you’re not married and sharing expenses. Many married expats fly for over seven hours each weekend. They are exhausted by the time they arrive.
- Find fun activities to keep you energized.
Alex was furious that every time he flew home, he was met with a list detailing household chores, including fixing cars and bikes, painting rooms, and putting up shelves. His wife promised him jobs for his sister and friend. He was mad. After a long week of work, and the exhausting commute by air (packing, taxis, passport control etc.) He was exhausted and unable to even watch a movie or get into DIY. His wife didn’t care about him anymore, and she was not interested in him. He felt that his wife did not care for him. She just wanted his money and jobs done. This isn’t unusual. Nina, another lady I worked alongside, said that every time she stayed at her boyfriend’s house, she would clean up the mess for the first four hours. Both cases resulted in the loss of intimacy and affection. Frustration set the tone for their time together. When planning activities, think about the traveler as well as their energy level. Do not greet them with a to-do list or a rushed night out on their first night. Instead, prepare a romantic meal or take-out for you both so that you can relax and unwind together, preferably alone.
- You need to be alone, but not isolated.
Peter has been living apart from his family for many decades. The UK does not have jobs that pay at the same level as Peter. His wife refused to go with him and claimed that she and their children are already settled. They have shared only one year of their marriage in the last 10 years. Peter approached me to ask if he could save his marriage. Although I don’t judge or offer my opinion, I can help couples and individuals identify their most pressing emotional needs. I also help them decide if they are able to stay. We review the relationship (highs, lows) and discuss possible actions to bring about positive changes. Peter found it frustrating that they didn’t have any alone time. His children, aged 9, 11 and 14, were there all day. Susan was out in the evenings. His trips home were an opportunity for her to be first and to meet new friends, as well as to do things that she could not do while being a full-time mum. Peter was upset that she would not move out to be there for him, and she was also hurt that she went out with him when he returned home. He didn’t want to have any arguments in the short time they had together. Without it, important needs like intimacy and affection will not be met.
It is important to not isolate because many couples will do the opposite and lock themselves in together, which can lead to problems. Yusuf flew back every two weeks to Saudi Arabia after he got a new job. They felt they should spend the 48 hours together as husband and wife. They became frustrated and turned down friends and other things that they enjoyed. Boredom was a problem as they stayed together all weekend. Yusuf called me to express concern that boredom and frustration could lead him to lose his love. He spoke to his wife after our conversation and they began doing other activities. Since then, they are more appreciative of their alone time and their relationship has strengthened.
- Try to be as transparent and sincere as possible
Keep the relationship alive even if you’re apart. Be open and honest about what you think, feel and do. Trust is built by sharing your daily routine, thoughts, and plans. Trust is essential for long-distance relationships. You may wonder what your partner is up to, or doubt their fidelity. You can ruin the precious time you have together if you don’t share information. This is not the time to be with “normal” couples. Make the most of the quality time you have together. When the miracles start to creep up on you, remember that trust, love, and respect are key components of your relationship.